I'm going to preface this story with 2 statements.
1 - My family is crazy. and 2 - The craziest shit happens to my mom
That out of the way...
My mom went up to visit family in Detroit last weekend. (And by detroit I mean the outlying vicinities because my family is whiter than white) She went to visit because one of my aunts and her daughter had just returned from a trip to Ireland and a cousin had come in from Hawaii to stay with my Great Aunt (who is rapidly slipping into dementia) while they were gone. So everyone was "home" and they had a family gathering.
The trip up there was already eventful because of a kitten who had to have a sex change operation. My mom and sister came home one day to find one of the two kittens (one male and one female) they had raised from the time they were only a few days old was sick. They took it in to the doctor and it turned out that his penis was broken. The nearest the vet can figure out is that the female kitten, was rooting for her mama's teat and came across the boy kitten's penis and kept sucking on it as a little baby kitten. This apparently caused enough damage to the penis that the vet said the best solution was to CUT OFF the penis and do reconstructive surgery. Yes, the girl kitten effectively sucked off the boy kitten's penis. In any case, they could only do part of the surgery since the kitten's urethra was too small. They have put in some sort of piping to help empty out the kitten's bladder on a regular basis. So, the kitten has no bladder control and is now wearing kitten diapers. Because of that, my mom took the kitten with her to Detroit.
Her return from Detroit, she was accompanied by two of my younger cousins, my sister, and the peeing kitten. My mom hates main roads and takes the back roads. She's always been like that. She was travelling down M60 on SUnday evening, they were most of the way home, when she saw what appeared to be a little monkey in the middle of M60. As she got closer, she decided it had to be a midget crossing the road. And then she slammed on the brakes because it was neither a monkey nor a midget.
It was a baby about CJ's age standing on the yellow line in the middle of M60.
Mom said she got out of the car and called to the baby with her hand out and the baby smiled and walked right up to her. The baby had "obviously not been changed in a while" and was wearing a cloth diaper that was stained brown and green and was covered in muck. She picked up the baby and started to carry it to the only house in sight where a 6 year old boy "with 3/4 of his buttcrack showing" and a 3 year old girl wearing NOTHING but a t-shirt were using a hose to make a huge mudpuddle in their front yard. She said she hollared and hollared when she got to the driveway because a large pit bull type dog was staring at her from the end of the driveway.
There were no adults in sight. The kids stopped and stared at her as she yelled for them to come get this baby and finally the little boy came and got it and walked it back down the driveway. And still no adults came out. Mom got in the car and started driving away before she decided she was going to do a U-turn and see what was going on again. She drove past the house VERY slowly and saw the boy talking to a grown man in the front yard with no sign of the little ones. Then she drove by again very slowly and the guy was still talking to the boy. Mom said it looked like a drug house, no doors, no windows and just a dilapidated house.
ANd she thought about that baby all the way home. She called me as soon as she got home and told me about it. I pushed her and got her to agree to call the police and report it if nothing else because that baby could be hit by a car or worse and how would she live with herself if something were to happen. She agreed and promised she would call the police as soon as she got off the phone with me. She also promised she would call me right after she talked to the police.
That was Sunday night. After 5 phone calls yesterday, and we were up to 4 today, my mom finally called me back.
Apparently, she called the police and they put her through to a child services liason. The woman treated her like my MOM had done something wrong by calling to report it and was doing this just to be inconveniant. In the end, my mom really felt like they said they would go out there and check it out to get my mom off the phone so what mom will probably do is go out there again herself and figure out what the heck the actual address is.
Mom said they were most annoyed at the fact that she didn't have a street number despite her being able to give them a physical description of the house and a mile count from the nearest cross street.
I have a baby orangutan wandering through my house. My little CJ is walking on his own. And when he walks, he has his arms up and over his head so that he resembles nothing more than a baby monkey. The irony is his dad's nickname is Monkey. CJ's is "Mini-monkey". How apropos.
He's really taken to this walking thing and it seemed to happen overnight. One day he wouldn't let go of the wall. The next he'd take a few steps on his own before collapsing to the floor, and then he was off. I knew as soon as he got his confidence up he would be off. And now, no one can hold him. I miss snuggling with him. I still get to do that a bit at night though. We snuggle for a bit on the sofa before he heads off to bed.
Tonight, however, he's going to be with my mom because Chris and I are celebrating our 4 year dating anniversary. (Yes, we still celebrate that. We also freely admit to missing each other during the work day.) 4 years ago today, I was moving the last of my stuff out of the townhouse and I got a phone call asking me to go out to a movie.
There's a part of me that feels like that was a lifetime ago, and another part that thinks things have gone by so fast. Things have changed so much and there are people from my previous life that I miss. Pete, Trent, Paco... But, at that time, I felt it was for the best. My ex was still very angry with me and as I heard the stories of what he was doing and capable of doing I felt it was probably best to cut all ties and give everyone some peace.
And, to be honest, I needed to get away from it as well or I was going to end up deadlocked in some freakish battle of wills. Chris was definitely what I needed. Plus, I can see my self growing old with him. With Chris, I finally realized what was missing in all my previous relationships and why I really haven't loved anyone before him. There's a whole new dimension to us that is difficult to explain. I cared for others, but with Chris, it's so different. We just fit.
It's been a rough four years in some aspects, but mostly to do with our surroundings rather than our relationship. We've done nothing but fight to get ahead it seems, and we're finally accomplishing it to a certain extent.
I need to learn to be a bit more patient in jumping ahead though. Now that we've acheived one necessary arrangement, I'm looking at the next 3 or 4 steps and planning what we need there.
I love having CJ around. He's really made a huge difference in our lives. He gives the best baby kisses (open mouth and all) and gives wonderful hugs as well. And then he sits back and pats you on the shoulder. "That'll do mom, that'll do." And when he sighs and leans against you, or squeals with excitement...
I'm home, safe and sound, and semi-alive. Chris got to testify and had to get a whole new outfit. We were expecting him just to be support in the stands. I guess the prosecutor decided my husband was too damn good-looking not to participate. He had to testify to threats Brian made against the family. It didn't hit me until this week why Chris got so jumped up about it. While Chris was at home with everyone when he got the phone call threatening to kill whoever put the kids up to it; I was at work. And from Chris' point of view, I was the one who said we needed to get the cops out here, gave Neen my phone to do it, and walked the police through the house to remove the bastard. To Chris, the bastard was threatening to kill me.
It was a good trip all around. The girls were amazing and we were all so proud of them. The youngest especially. She got up on that stand and glared at him the whole time. The bastard got hit full on with what he had done. 3 counts ofd agg. sex. battary -- Guilty with 20 years and 100K fine each. The 4 rape and sodomy charges -- LIFE. I hope the bastard has a miserable time and I will do all I can to help that along.
I think the only downspot was the girls' father who I was ready to slap on more than one occasion. He'd apparently bitched about having to be down there in the first place, his Mom made him go. These were his fucking daughters who were up for this and he wasn't even WANTING to go? The bastard is jobless and can't work up the energy to go? After that, Chris and I both rolled our eyes at him trying to mark his territory as the girls' father since Neen's boyfriend was around. The girls do love their father and are dying to spend time with them but he's been ditching them like yesterday's newspaper. It makes me so angry. He's supposed to be paying less than a quarter of what Chris owes and has not been paying. He doesn't see the kids as much as they need him to anymore either. It used to be standard visitation. Now, he keeps making excuses as to why he can't see them. Chris would kill to see his kids more and this bastard is dicking around with his kids' emotions like this. Not Cool.
Neen's new boyfriend... Him, I like. Chris and I both hope he sticks around for a while. Chris told me that he sees her sometimes falling back into the old patterns that Brian had instilled in her but that D snaps her out of it. I can only hope that now that the fucker is in prison for a good long time that she can get loose of the remnants. I told Chris that must be why I like D. It took me a while to get Chris out of the abused puppy mode and get him to stand up for himself too. Unfortunately, that led to him starting to tell me 'no' now. :-/
And this guy really is something else. I can't say enough good things about the help and stability he has provided Neen and the girls. And he's even offered Chris and I a washer and dryer that he has going spare. Chris and I are both a bit in shock with that too. The girls love him and I am happy to see Neen with him. He treats her well and she deserves it. Though, I feel bad for him too. I remember the crap I dealt with with Chris when it came to the past and dealing with shit our ex's had done to us. Getting through it and making someone realize that you are not their past is hard. He seems to love her and the girls though. And I think he's tough enough to make her see that.
These damn Taylors can be pigheaded sometimes. (And I am talking about you my monkey, since I know you'll end up reading this at some point.)
So, with the moving in a week and a half and the trial in Virginia I was a bit stressed out for the past two weeks. We did have a day of thinking we were done with stress for a while... ANd then something else happened but I can't really talk about that now until we talk to a couple other people. There have been a couple of different stories taht just don't add up. However, no matter what, the fact of the problem remains clear and everyone agrees upon it and Chris is right to be concerned.
And what I can see, really, is that while I love all the people involved... Really, this is not my problem. I'm not going to make it my problem. I can't fix it or take care of it. There is nothing I can do but offer support. And so I'm going to do just that.
It's official, Chris and I are moving to a new apartment this week.
It's a beautiful place, new within the past 7 years, 3 bedrooms, 1 3/4 bathrooms... And there's a backyard and patio. We're so excited, and the kids are too. The girls are already making plans to invite friends over to spend the night. LOL The Boy is excited too... There is more space for him to walk up and down the hallway
We got the word last week that we were approved, and last weekend we started moving. Mom has been a huge help and I really think the only reason we'll make it out of there before April 1st will be due to mom's help!
Plus, it's a MUCH nicer area. We've noticed the area deteriorating rapidly in our section. Kids running wild and being destructive as well as undesireable influences moving in. Otherwise we would have probably attempted to stay in the area. But where we've moved to is bigger and nicer than the three bedrooms in our old complex anyhow.
The schedule for moving is kind of intense... Tonight, , Chris wants to move the Crib over so we'll start spending our nights there. Thursday is a heavy duty furniture moving day. We've got people coming over with the promise of free food. LOL Friday, I've taken the day off work so I can be there for the cable guy. I'll do some unpacking in the meantime as well. We also get the kids that evening. Saturday we HAVE to be out of the old apartment. But, if we keep up the pace we've set, we can do it.
We had planned on taking a break last night, due to Shannon's birthday party but we actually got a lot done. The desk is in Chris' car and the wardrobe has been broken down. It's starting to look empty.
It's going to be very very different, and part of me feels a bittersweet sadness over leaving a place that I have called home for 7 years. On the other hand this is a necessary and very good move for us and for our family. It really does seem more like a house than an apartment, and I can't wait to actually get in there. We can hang pictures, they said we could put up borders. I can plant plants. And we're the only building in our portion of the drive which means less traffic.
So, Thursday's Grey's Anatomy (which I watched over my Lunchbreak, thank you ABC) was about the past and dealing with scars that have been left...
But, before we get onto that topic, let's discuss life as it is. Last night Susan came into town with her new girlfriend. We went to Mazatlan and had a blast. We ended up closing the place down, we talked so long. I came home with some kickass guacamole. We sat in the family room and talked till it was time to put The Boy to bed and then Susan left.
And we have a Dr's appointment on Monday for The Boy. HOPEFULLY, we'll here that our son is gaining weight like he is supposed to. For as much as he eats, he had better be gaining weight. Last time he only weighed 17 pounds. But the kid eats like a pig. We can't give him enough food. When we made salad, he tried to shove the whole thing in his mouth. Of course, that's what he does with EVERYTHING he eats. It's funnier when we give him a peanut butter sandwich. He'll take as much of it in his mouth as he can so his cheeks are packed and then tries to take a drink from his sippy cup.
This is why we only give him a bit at a time now.
I have 15 minutes to go...
OK... So, now on to Grey's Anatomy... I think it's true. We all have scars that are there, new or old. Some of the things I have in my past affect me still. And Chris and I both make assumptions about our relationship based on past experiences. (Although, more often than not, we say: "Wow, I didn't know a marriage was supposed to be like this! COOL!") Chris made extra certain to point out that with our 3 year wedding anniversary, our marriage had surpassed my previous relationship in total. I have 11 more years to go before I can say the same to him. I did tell him that simply by being married we surpassed my previous relationship. Plus, our entire relationship itself surpassed my past relationship. He kind of looked at me sheepishly and said he knew what I meant. We had surpassed the quality times of his past relationships by the time we celebrated our first Christmas together.
We've also reached a point where people look at us, shake their heads and say: "Well, in most cases, your relationship shouldn't have worked but apparently in some cases it does." In the past week, 2 people have said that to us.
And, I'll be honest, if someone had come to me, living the kind of relationship I had with Chris, I probably would have viewed them in dismay and asked them to maybe think about taking some time off.
8 minutes...
My point... I have to make my point. Scars.
I think, the pain of the scars is easier when you have someone with you. Chris and I were both birds with one wing when we found each other. We helped each other fly. And now, there's more to it than that obviously. But we wouldn't have gotten through the fresh pain without each other.
I remember, when I went to get the last of my things that I was allowed to take (I never did get back some of the stuff) Chris went with me and helped me carry things out. And then he kissed me, we dropped the stuff off elsewhere and went out to dinner. And I think that was really a turning point in my healing because I wasn't upset about the end of a relationship. I was upset that someone had turned out to be very different from who I thought he was. I was disappointed in myself and in my ex.
I'm at -2 minutes now. :-/
Chris' turning point really came the night we kissed. He had been telling a friend the week before that he was NEVER DATING AGAIN. He was going to purposely scare off the next woman he was attracted to. And then he wanted to kiss me instead of scare me off... And when we did kiss... Well, that made up his mind. It wasn't awkward and it made my toes curl and it was just a shy first kiss...
So, apparently, in tracing the scars on our life stories, we found our 'other'. There are many things that we realize should never have gone the way they did. But, even my past with my ex had an impact on where I am. He lost it at just the right time because if he hadn't I would have continued on in that toxic relationship and been miserable.
My scars still ache from time to time, and every once in a while the phantom pains get to me and I go a little crazy. But, the future will hopefully be a lot smoother.
It's ironic that we're in Lent right now. The 40 days before the crucifixion of Jesus and the time of his betrayal and agony. I was raised a good Catholic girl, I remember my catechism.
I have reached my Gethsemane in the form of the trial in Virginia.
Like Jesus, I find myself saying (to borrow a line from Andrew Lloyd Webber) “Take this cup away from me for I don’t want to taste its poison.”
This is hard. This hurts my soul. I talked to the attorney in Virginia to see if I could be deposed over the phone. I explained my situation with the kids, my husband, and our baby. I told her I didn’t know anything about the oldest’s case. And she agreed. I didn’t need to be there for that case.
They really needed me there for the youngest’s case. It appears, despite my hopes to the contrary, that the case can win or fail based on my testimony. According to the attorney, the youngest is a very weak witness and I’m the only one who can back her up and corroborate the physical evidence. No pressure there.
She said that she would dismiss me if she could, but barring an amazing improvement on the youngest under examination, I needed to expect to be there. With just the youngest’s testimony, they can expect to lose. It's frustrating because she's so young. She is going to get flustered, and I know his attorney is going to press her hard. The man is a psycho pig who has no concept of how people feel.
I follow the Morrigan. Goddess of War. I am a fighter. And I am tired. It seems like the past 8 years have involved nothing but fighting, battling against the odds to survive. I will be honest, there were periods of peace. Meeting Chris, marrying him, but even that was a struggle for money, time and resources.
Getting pregnant was a battle, carrying CJ was a battle going from loss to triplets to gestational diabetes to an emergency c-section. I chose that particular goddess because I needed her strength. I needed her will to get me through the trying times.
And now, I have something else to face. Another battle to fight. If I don’t fight, what happens to the case? Could I live with him getting off? The answer, obviously, is no. I couldn’t. It’s also a survival mechanism for me. If he gets off, I am in danger. My family is in danger.
I don't deal well with pressure when I can see it coming. In an emergency situation, I'm great, I take charge and things progress. And that, according to the attorney, is why I need to be there. I took charge, I got this ball rolling. But that was different. That was a sudden burst of pressure, not a steady stream of it. In addition to all of that, this is really bringing up a lot of things I would rather not deal with at all.
I don't want to do this. I don't want to see him. And if I don't do it, I literally could not live with myself.
"Bleed me, beat me, kill me, take me now, before I change my mind"
So, we've submitted all our information. Now it's a waiting game.
What I would like to do -- Move over the big stuff as soon as possible. Move over the bed, sofa, dresser, wardrobe... Getting those out of the house will make packing easier. I will box up the Wardrobe this weekend. I may have to throw out the old easter candy that's in there. :giggle: Box up the books, lable to box, WARDROBE STUFF...
ARGH!
Chris boxed up part of his desk and I have 2 boxes of clothes packed. What I will need to do is just start packing. I can take down the bookshelf in the corner... Except where will we put my computer. :-/
I have a laundry basket full of kids clothes, I have stuff I need to pack...
If we can get this place, the stress level is going to go WAY down. There will be room for the kids, room for the baby, room for us. The cats won't be attacking each other all the freaking time...
What are we going to need... - Washer & Dryer - Dining room table with 6 chairs - Night stands - lamps - dressers - end tables - desk for my computer
My plans for the weekend -- Simple, try to get as much done as possible. :-( No snuggling with the boy tomorrow. MUST PACK.
Tonight, my goal is to pack up the Wardrobe. Put the books, magazines, clothes, etc. IN A BOX.
Seal it. Stick it in the wardrobe for moving. Then... I don't know. Fuck me, I have lived in the apartment for four years now.
Chris and I had Valentines Day to ourselves. He was supposed to get the kids, but due to traffic issues, he couldn't. It worked out better for us anyhow. We got the evening alone together with CJ. Chris brought home a heart shaped pizza, and we had fun together.
The funny thing was Chris had actually been startled because Karen offered to drop the kids off at the apartment. He (wisely) told her no, with the excuse that I wasn't home yet. (Even though I was off work that day). He couldn't figure out why she offered and was being so nice... Until I burst out laughing and pointed out that it was Valentine's Day. She probably had plans with victim number 3. :shrug: Oh well. I've arranged my Vanetine's Days for the past 4 years around the kids. I'm glad I didn't have to this time.
Once this move is over, it may be time for me to evaluate my involvement in this situation. I've come to a number of revelations recently, starting with the fact that Chris sees himself as "helping" me when it comes to his kids. I told him that *I* should be the one "helping" *him*.
Of course this means I have to deal with my fear of the consequences. :-/
Speaking of which, there's a credit bureau that's about to get a whole HEAP of consequences. >:-( We got a phone call on Tuesday regarding this debt that I supposedly owe. Chris called them back, and the woman went off. After I got on the phone with her, verified that she was refusing to validate the debt, she got angry at ME. Oh. Hell. No.
The things she said about my, my relationship and my life were beyond none of her damn business. And now, I want proof and even more I want an apology. So I did a little digging, a bit of research, and they are in trouble now.
Here's the letter:
To Whom It May Concern:
I was contacted by a Ms. Sheila Coleman who asked us to call her back on February 13, 2007. When we called back at 7:30 pm that evening, my husband spoke to a woman who refused to identify herself and informed us Sheila Coleman was not there but that she could help us. She then went into a long diatribe insulting and threatening me to my husband. When my husband asked to speak to her supervisor after her first barrage of insults and abuse, she announced that SHE was the boss and my husband would not be able to get anyone higher up the chain of command. She claimed to be from a "US Collections" and a "Platinum Services" respectively. She also tried to tell my husband that since I was a student, this would “hurt deeply” if I didn't do what she wanted.
When I spoke to her, she informed me that my debt was being added to by interest compounded at 28% DAILY. She refused to provide validation of the debt, when I informed her that I was recording (meaning, writing down) that she refused to send validation, she tried to tell me that recording our phone call was illegal and that I needed to be aware of the laws. For future reference, Indiana is a “one party” state, meaning only one of the parties engaged in the phone call needs to consent. She also cast aspersions on my character, outright stating that I had decided to stop paying my bills and use my husband’s credit cards, which is both untrue and has nothing at all to do with this debt. She was highly rude and abusive to both my husband and myself. She threatened to harass my employer and myself at my place of employment.
After she hung up, I did a search on the phone number she was calling from which led me to your offices. As I am sure you are aware, the issues (rude and abusive language, misrepresentation of your company, refusing to identify herself etc.) I have just mentioned would result in very serious fines under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. In addition to which, my concern is that you are attempting to collect on a debt which had been settled.
Due to all of this, be advised that this is not a refusal to pay, but a notice sent pursuant to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, 15 USC 1692g Sec. 809 (b) that your claim is disputed and validation is requested.
This is NOT a request for "verification" or proof of my mailing address, but a request for VALIDATION made pursuant to the above named Title and Section. I respectfully request that your offices provide me with competent evidence that I have any legal obligation to pay you.
Please provide me with the following:
What the money you say I owe is for; Explain and show me how you calculated what you say I owe; Provide me with copies of any papers that show I agreed to pay what you say I owe; Provide a verification or copy of any judgment if applicable; Identify the original creditor; Prove the Statute of Limitations has not expired on this account Show me that you are licensed to collect in my state Provide me with your license numbers and Registered Agent
At this time I will also inform you that if your offices have reported invalidated information to any of the 3 major Credit Bureau’s (Equifax, Experian or TransUnion) this action might constitute fraud under both Federal and State Laws. Due to this fact, if any negative mark is found on any of my credit reports by your company or the company that you represent I will not hesitate in bringing legal action against you for the following:
Violation of the Fair Credit Reporting Act Violation of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act Defamation of Character
If your offices are able to provide the proper documentation as requested in the following Declaration, I will require at least 30 days to investigate this information and during such time all collection activity must cease and desist.
Also during this validation period, if any action is taken which could be considered detrimental to any of my credit reports, I will consult with my legal counsel for suit. This includes any listing of any information to a credit reporting repository that could be inaccurate or invalidated or verifying an account as accurate when in fact there is no provided proof that it is.
If your offices fail to respond to this validation request within 30 days from the date of your receipt, all references to this account must be deleted and completely removed from my credit file and a copy of such deletion request shall be sent to me immediately.
I would also like to request, in writing, that no telephone contact be made by your offices to my home or to my place of employment. If your offices attempt telephone communication with me, including but not limited to computer generated calls and calls or correspondence sent to or with any third parties, it will be considered harassment and I will have no choice but to file suit. All future communications with me MUST be done in writing and sent to the address noted in this letter by USPS.
It would be advisable that you assure that your records are in order before I am forced to take legal action. This is an attempt to correct your records, any information obtained shall be used for that purpose.
In addition, I would like acknowledgement, in writing, that your agent who contacted me was corrected and an apology, in writing, from the agent, or I will be forced to contact the Federal Trade Commission, the Indiana Attorney General, the Kansas Attorney General and the Better Business Bureau regarding your violations in pursuit of an alleged debt. I am sure with both the date and time that I called, you can track down the agent to whom I spoke.
We've applied for the 3 bedroom. I faxed in our application, we'll drop off the fee tonight, and then we wait.
The apartment itself is over 1,100 sq. ft. It has a living room, dining area, a nice kitchen with a dishwasher, patio and most importantly... 3 bedrooms.
This needs to work. We need a bigger place and this is right up our alley. We did a walk through last night, and absolutely fell in love. Plus, it's a community. Apparently they do community activities.
Shannon and Sarah both have science fair projects and the past week has been a flurry of frustration.
Shannon's science fair project we've known about for a while. We talked to her about it, we've discussed what she's doing, what her plans for doing it were and Chris and I were both thrilled at the effort Shannon has been putting forth. And then... Nothing. No movement forward for over a week on her science project which is due February 8th.
Fine, no problem, we'll give her a nudge in the right direction and provide her with 1/3 of what she needs so she can at least get started. So we buy her a bag of cat food.
Except when Chris talks to her on Thursday, we discover that Karen, in her infinite love for the kids, won't let Shannon use the catfood. Why, you may ask?
"Well," she huffed over the phone at Chris. "If you want us to use the cat food YOU bought she can use YOUR cats for her experiment." "But she's not going to be with us long enough to do the experiment at our house!" Chris said. "... ... ..."
Fine, whatever. This ties right in to having Shannon have her teacher and parents sign the planner. After all the lying and the issues we went through we finally have Shannon on the right track, no thanks to Karen. She didn't talk to us about it, didn't acknowledge our attempts at communication, and, when Shannon asked her to sign the planner, informed an 11 year old child, "YOUR FATHER CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
NEWS FLASH BITCH. This isn't about you, Chris or your loathing of him. This has to do with getting Shannon through school with good enough grades that she can go on and make something of herself.
Of course, this situation is right on top of another child's science fair project. The day that we ran to get Shannon's cat food for her experiment, Chris found out that Sarah also has a science fair she has to take part in and that she was probably going to get a C or a D in science because "Mommy" won't sign the form she needs to sign. And, "Mommy" also told her that whatever parent signed the form had to buy everything and do all the work. Karen wouldn't let her bring the form to us to sign.
Luckily, I have developed quite the relationship with the kids' teachers. And all of them have expressed profound gratitude that (and I quote) "at least one parent is interested in these kids". I got the information for Sarah and then some. Chris took the form in the next day, signed and everything. Sarah's already working out a nice experiment that she can do.
Karen doesn't want us doing anything for the kids. Fine. She can want whatever she wants. I don't really give a shit. BUT, if she doesn't want us doing anything for the kids, she better make damn sure that there's nothing there that needs to be done.
She's torturing these kids because she hates Chris. She's neglecting them in very fundamental ways because of her own selfish wants. She's apparently told the kids that they are going to move one more time to a "forever home". She wants it in the same area where they used to live.
I nearly tore my hair out.
She owned the home that she has left in her mom and sister's hands. She moved out of that home because she was in LURRRRVVVEEE with the fucking jackass abusive redneck. She moved BACK to SB for the same damn reason. The whole reason Chris agreed to let her have the house was because he didn't want the kids dragged from piller to post.
And quite frankly, I'm pissed at him about this too. These are his kids. They are his kids to protect and care for. He knew how psycho she was, he just wanted out. And then he came to me, sighed, and said: "I wish I had more time with my kids." And I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker. But why am I the one making all the damn phone calls, making all the connections, when this shouldn't be my fight? He says he appreciates what a good step-mom I am... But is that going to save my sanity?
Our past is never truly gone. It all applies to make us who we are today.
I am very different from the insipid little mouse I was in high school. And, in a lot of ways, I'm a lot tougher. I feel like I've done my share of scraping and I am still fighting to stay upright.
But there are still traces of the old me. I received a notice from "Classmates" that my profile there had been viewed. And it threw me into a wondering state. There's a lot of people that I used to be close to that I'm not close to anymore. I wonder what happened to them, Laura... Shannon...
Amy and I still talk and I recently rediscovered an old friend from high school. It seems funny, in a way. I suppose everyone thinks when they are 16-17-18 that High School is the end all experience, for better or for worse. It doesn't hit you until much later that there is really no point to it.
I did not follow my intended path from high school. I am not the same person. This is not a bad thing.
Am I happy with it? Am I sad about it? I really can't say. Life is what it is.
I have a husband I love, 5 kids that I love. I'm dirt poor but am actually a lot better off than some. I have kept my chin up and tried to let go of a great many hopes and dreams in the name of survival. The good balences out the bad.
I got here though, and my actions are based on past experience.
So, as the kids grow older, will my impact on them affect their kids? Will it be positive? Will they remember the things I have been trying to teach them? Will they see that I did all of this out of love for them and their father?
Or will I be relegated to the annals of another evil step-mother.
And, even more important, what does the future hold for me and my husband? I'm stubborn enough to stick it out if it were just about me. But CJ has added a whole new dimension I am ill equipped to deal with.
I am a romantic, I have always been a romantic. (Something that used to drive my mother insane.) But love isn't the only thing that drives the world now. And CJ can't eat love.
However, CJ will eat anything that isn't tied down. LOL Last night he had peas, corn and turkey and he has been eating mashed potatoes with veggies in them. I imagine if we blended up some of our taco meat he'd probably go insane. He LOVES fresh fruit too. My son is a little pig. And he gets so mad when he's done and you take the tray away. Even if he's just playing and making a mess. He'll sit there, yell and scream, and say: "HEY!" Of course, he does that with pretty much anything he wants or doesn't want to do.
My son has a temper too.
I'm standing by the story that he gets it from his father.
After all, I'm an even-tempered, sweet, gentle, slip of a girl. How could I, *I*, have a temper. I refuse to believe such vile lies.
Michael Richards is a jerk. He's admitted this and apologized for his statements.
The two gentlemen he insulted have hired Gloria Allred and want to get some money from the incident.
What Richards said was inexcusable, but should these guys really get paid because he used a word that certain elements of black culture have embraced and is used frequently? "Well, it's different," you may say. "Richards didn't say it with the same feelings that the gangbanger down the street uses."
When the fight broke out in the movie theater a couple months ago, the guys throwing the word "nigger" at each other didn't seem particularly friendly. If you recall, blows were landed by both sides. I went and reported it because I was afraid of guns or knives being drawn.
Someone called Richards a "crackerass", should he sue that guy? Should I sue NBC because I'm white and I heard it?
It's a freedom of speech issue. The Nazis have a right to talk about the benefits of being a superior race, the KKK has the right to preach Christian Bigotry, and no matter what I think about it, I agree that they have a right. Can I hit them in the pocket book because I am offended by what they say? Do *I* have that right? How about the fact that I'm offended these guys are trying to bring down a basic freedom that we are all entitled to? Can I sue them for offending my sensibilities?
The situation has gone from bad to horrifyingly comedic.
Richards is likely going to be blackballed from the comedy clubs pretty much everywhere for this. Rebuilding from this is going to take a lot more effort than Mel Gibson's little tirade against Jews. But is which is worse? What he said or the two guys exploiting the situation to make a quick buck? And the sad thing is, anyone who says what they are doing is wrong will likely be labled a racist, so they'll get away with it because people are afraid of being labled with that particular social stigma.
Dear Prudence, I've been married for a little over a year. I met my husband several years ago when we were neighbors; he was married at the time and had a young son. He moved away, got divorced, and I didn't see him for several years. Then we reconnected, dated, and got married very quickly. His son is now 10 and I'm having a really hard time getting to like the boy. This might sound mean, but I can't stand him sometimes. I know he's a child, and that he gets his bad manners from his psycho mother, but everything about him just grosses me out: the way he eats; the way his mother dresses him (like a little rapper); that he's too lazy to even clean his room. I try so hard to hide my feelings, but my husband senses it sometimes. I take his son to buy school clothes or toys, but he can't behave and it's driving me insane. I really don't know what to do, especially now that we have him every weekend. I asked my husband if he can give me "me" time at least once a month, but his excuse is that he hates leaving his son with his ex-wife. I really can't take sharing my husband with his son. What should I do?
—Can't Stand Him!
Dear Can't, What a heartbreaking situation this boy is in—he has a psycho mother and a spiteful stepmother. I have no doubt this little boy is difficult; given his circumstances, that's almost a guarantee. But one of his problems is you. You can't even refer to him as your stepson, but only as "his son." You are asking for advice on how to dump this child. But since you knew getting into this marriage that your husband had a child, maybe the thing for you to do is dump the marriage. You express no love or understanding of either your husband or your stepson. You sound hostile and resentful. And if you get out now, you will have been only a blip in both of their lives.
—Prudie
My response:
Dear Prudence,
I am wondering if you edited out the mean and spiteful parts of "Can't Stand Him"'s letter, because, from what I see, a woman who is having a difficult time with a child that is not hers, but still buys him toys and school clothes has come to you for advice and been soundly smacked. I am mystified as to what part of this woman, who did not give birth to this child and may not have children of her own, is mean and spiteful. Did she say that she beats her stepson every weekend they have him? Did she write down what particular names she calls him?
Please excuse my confusion, but, as a step-mother myself to four children, I am wondering if, perhaps, the institution of rules in my own home is mean and spiteful? Perhaps my demand that they treat me with the respect any adult deserves is mean and spiteful? Or how about the fact that I dry their tears, comfort them after nightmares, bandage boo-boos, and do all the motherly things for them while they are with their father makes me mean and spiteful.
Recently, my step-daughter (age 11) got into some trouble in school. Was my contacting the teacher and arranging for extra books to have her get her homework done while she is with her father and I mean and spiteful? How about encouraging my husband to be proactive in contacting his kids when his ex-wife tries to destroy his relationship with them?
If you can't tell by now, I am rather tired of hearing step-mothers get the blame for problems with the biological parents. It seems to me that this particular step-mother is trying her best. Considering her honeymoon period has been cut short by the antics of her step-child and her husband's ex, considering her life has been disrupted and irrevocably changed, she's handling it remarkably well. She has stepped into an area where she didn't have to and taken up a lot of slack. Where is her husband during these instances? Why is he not handling the shopping and disciplining here? And why does he have so little consideration for his current wife that he won't allow her some breathing space?
I would also ask, dear Prudence, if you have children of your own? Have there not been times where you wanted some "alone" time? Can you imagine the feeling then if you were thrust, unprepared, into a parenting role?
People make comments like, "You knew what you were getting into" and I can safely say they are full of it. I "got into" this at the ripe old age of 23 and have told my friends that, if not for the fact that my husband is the love of my life, I would have bolted long ago. Being a step-parent is hard, and all step-parents, male or female, deserve a lot more sympathy and compassion than society at large shows them. You get all the responsibility and none of the gratitude. Step-parenting is not glamorous, it is not cheerful, it is not uplifting. It is parenting without the bond and the people who can swing it deserve trophies.
As one year ends, another begins. Life and death are a circle and indelibly connected. Now is the time to reap what you have sown and rid yourself of weeds that are present in your life.
Today is the witch's new year, Halloween, Samhain, the day when the veil of the worlds is thinned. We respect the dead and honor their memories. We also take stock of our own lives, see what needs to be kept, what needs to be discarded, what helps us grow as a person and what holds us back.
Taking stock of the past year, my life has changed enormously. I am a mother now. I live for my little munchkin. But, I also find myself a lot less tolerant of the bullshit that went with being a second wife because now, it isn't just me. The Boy is also affected.
If I knew then what I know now...
I probably wouldn't do things that much differently. I might have stood up for our space a bit more, fought harder to get a place of our own... A lot of what has happened over the past year is tied into the past 3 - 4 years and really, if I changed one thing, everything would be different, and not necessarily in a good way.
I'd probably celebrate a bit more and not allow certain issues to get in the way.
As it is... A year ago, I was looking for a way to stay at home because we were anticipating health care to be covered via Chris's job. I'm glad I didn't count on that. A year ago, I painted my step-kids faces and covered my belly in fake blood. It was fun, but I was drained. I was anticipating and fearing the birth of my son.
Things are different now. Some of the things I find frustrating I was fine with a year ago. Some of the things I found frustrating a year ago I am fine with now. Most things have stayed the same, with the possibility that some things have gone from minor irritation to full-blown dislike.
But, Jannine is home with her family... Chris and I have a baby together... We're finally moving forward in certain kid issues... I'm looking forward to the next steps.
What would I like to banish from my life... I wish I could get rid of the negativity that Karen has swirling around her. I wish I could rid myself of the discontent with our current living arrangements. I wish I could get rid of the writer's block that has been holding up my story for a year.
I think a great deal of my own depression and lack of interest in my stress relievers will be solved by Chris's job. When he lost his job, I had to turn my focus on holding the family together. And I am glad we could count on my job to bring the money in. But... I don't want to be in this job forever. I am trying to break into editing, my real love and passion.
Until Chris gets a steady well paying job that he's going to be able to keep, though... I need the stability of this job. I love my husband, but 5 jobs in 4 years is a bit wearing, not only on him, but on me. I know this job isn't going to last. It's Maintenance Man at Taco Bell. Not bad money, but not what we need either.
That is something else I would like to banish... Fear and instability. We can't even consider pushing for the kids when we can't even help ourselves. And, to be honest, I'd like to have the luxury of being out of a job for a while. I know Chris doesn't see it that way, and I know he's excited about working again, but he also doesn't have to worry about what will happen to the family if he loses this job too because I'm still there to pick up the pieces.
But, I won't worry about that tonight. Tonight, we take CJ Trick-or-Treating. Tonight, we will celebrate.
It's the start of a new season, a time for rebirth.
We went to see Pulse this weekend. I was enjoying it but we ended up leaving halfway through the film.
Why? Well...
1 -- CJ started talking during the film. We didn't want to upset the people around us so Chris started walking around the theater with him.
Not that it would have mattered because...
2 -- A fistfight broke out.
Yes, you read that correctly.
We were sitting 2 rows up from the door on the outside of the row in case we had to take CJ out. Which, we did have to do. Chris had been walking around with CJ and come back in and left again when The Boy started getting antsy. However, as he left a group of 4 or 5 black people came in. They huddled up near the door and then the loud conversations started.
"Yo, where Steven at. Nigger, get yo punk ass up here. Where Steven at?"
One guy a couple rows up apparently knew Steven and the gentleman looking for him and told the guy standing up near the door to "sit yo bitch ass down" and shut up. The guy went up to that row and stormed through the seats. The other guy stood up and they did the chest-puffing out confrontation deal. At this point, everyone was watching the showdown and not the movie. The first guys backs off and backs up towards the door again yelling out for Steven again. Apparently, Steven was in the front row.
"Yo nigger, come up here and face this like a man." "Nigger whatchoo want?" "Nigger why you be messin wit' my sista. I can see you. Come up here and be a man instead of a punk ass little bitch. "
At which point "Steven" came barrelling up the aisle and punched the first gentleman. And that was enough for me. I had visions of guns, knives, lord knows what else coming out in this fight and threw my popcorn into Chris's seat. As I stood up to go get the management I heard someone say something about there being a baby in the theater.
"Great," I thought. "I just turned into one of "those" parents."
The worst part was walking THROUGH THE FIGHT to get to the door, at which point the adrenaline was flowing and I was pumped up. I got out and (thankfully) found Chris resting against a trash can, holding onto CJ. He took one look at me and immediately became alarmed.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
I turned around to answer him and the theater I had been in regurgitated the gang walking nonchalently out and looking at me. I took off for the front and loudly started reporting it to the people behind the counter. As I peered around the corner I could see them coming out the other end of the hallway and still looking at me. So I did everything but Jump up and down and point them out. At which point the exited rather swiftly out the alarmed back door. The workers didn't see them. As I told them what happened the manager and a friend of hers went to go stand in the back of the theater I had come from and I went and grabbed our crap as Chris got our money back and we left.
Chris told me later on that they where saying as I went to the front: "Oh shit she's gonna snitch on us"
No shit Sherlock, you come in, start a fist fight while there is a baby somewhere in the theater... Screw you, I'm protecting my family.
He also said I looked PISSED coming out of the theater and he wondered what had made me so angry. But, my smart-ass husband continued, he was glad I didn't throw myself into the fight since I'm such a stubborn wildcat.
I'm really not a wildcat. But no one is going to put my family in danger. And no one will threaten my family in any way or they will deal with me.
I think my reasoning should be perfectly clear. Chris doesn't agree and says there is no way I am going to New York without him LOL... But he likes Olberman too.
People always celebrate five year marks. Five years at a job, five years after a family member dies, five years after graduation, five years of dating, five years of marriage. Five years seems to be a magical time period. "About what?"
Five years is a long time. Relationships are made and ended, jobs gained and lost, children grow older, and people change. Five years is a long time to grieve, to reflect, to hold on to something long since past. "A plane hit the world trade center..."
Five years ago, I was fresh out of college, working my first real job. I had the world by the balls. I was engaged to be amrried, living on my own, I was going places. And in one day, I lost my innocence.
Our world ended that day, to give rise to a different, darker world. We'd dealt with terrorism before. It always came in the guise of American crazy men. The Unabomber, Timothy McVeigh. But never could any outside forces hurt us. We were AMERICA. We were the good guys, right?
Standing here now, five years down the road, I don't feel any safer and I find myself more inclined to not trust the government. The measures they have taken in the name of safety, the systemic removal of certain rights... 9/11 became to me what Watergate was to my mother... A removal of the blinders.
This weekend, I had to answer the questions of my step-children: "Why?" And explaining the truth to them was hard and confusing. As was explaining the fact that we weren't necessarily the bastion of hope they imagined in singing: "I'm proud to be an American". Was it the right thing to do, explaining the thoughts of the terrorists? I hope so.
I was my oldest step-daughter's age when the first Gulf War began. The last year I remember feeling blindly confident in our government was in 4th grade, Sarah's age. I voted in my faux election at school, and voted for Papa Bush because: "My mommy is a republican and she voted for him."
I found out in high school that my mother NEVER voted republican. My fourth grade vote was built on a lie.
We've spent five years grabbing onto the horror we all felt in a common masochistic desire to feel alive, using the phrase: "Never Forget". Because if we forget, we'll be doomed to repeat it. GWB said tonight that our freedom scared those in favor of tyrrany, and the measure we have put in place to protect the country have only enhanced our freedom.
He said the war in Iraq was a necessity of the war on terror because "Saddam was a threat we could not ignore."
Now we have Saddam, but where is the person actually responsible for these atrocities? Why have we lost nearly the same number of soldiers in a country we don't belong in as we lost five years ago? What is the lesson here?
What do I see? I see in five years, we haven't learned anything but to feed on the pain and foster the fear the attack instilled. We haven't learned to move on and celebrate the dawning of the new day. The towers are gone, the rubble has been cleared, but we still live in their dark shadow, fostered by our own government. Fear is a powerful motivator, an amazing tool for unification, but the time for fear has passed. September 12, 2006 is the dawning of a new day.
Five years ago, I stood in shock, too horrified for tears as the buildings collapsed. I relived some of that this weekend and find myself on the other side, heart in my throat and looking at where we are now. We have allowed ourselves to wallow in the anguish for far too long. The time for fear and its tactics has passed, we have given the terrorists enough of our pain to feast on. Tomorrow is a new day. And I, for one, intend to move on.
The leaves are beginning to change. There is a tree in my apartment complex that is always the first to go. I remember sitting on the front step of the Townhouse in late August and watching the sunset and thinking to myself that it was kind of depressing that it was still so warm and summery, but that damn tree reminded me that the fun of summer was over.
I have to face facts though, SUmmer is over. Of course, it's been quite the summer. I was looking at pictures yeasterday, adjusting them from the HUGE size they currently are, and realized some of them feel that they are from a lifetime ago.
In good news, I am a free lance editor. I applied for a job at Martini-Lounge.com as an editor and they accepted me. The pay isn't much, but more than anything else, I have my foot in the door as an editor. A real editor. I am using my degree. I am an EDITOR!
I might be just a touch happy about that.
And, to make things even better, despite having the kids this weekend, we won't be leaving the apartment to stay with his parents. THANK GOD. No bitching about whose food is where, whose stuff is where, what we're doing wrong, how we're doing it wrong, and how mean we are to the kids despite the fact that they aren't well behaved.
I did tell Chris that if his mom kept this up, I and my son would not be accompanying him to his parents' house the next time. His response was that I was punishing him for his mom being bitchy and that wasn't fair of me. Also, that it wasn't just MY son. He is right about the second part of that statement, but I fail to see how exposing myself and my son to an extremely toxic atmosphere is beneficial to anyone.
And, as much as it pains him, I have no say in where he stays with the kids. That decision remains his. He is their legal guardian. I DO have a say in where CJ stays. And you can bet your ass that where I can't make arguements on how to raise the older ones, I will invoke my parental rights where CJ is concerned. He said he doesn't like it when I tell him they are his kids and I can't say anything. The problem is, they are his kids and Karen's kids. I have no legal right, no say in how they are brought up, and if he makes a decision on how he feels they should be raised, appropriate or not, then I can't say anything. And he has told me that before.
He doesn't remember that, but Oh man, do I remember feeling hurt when he told me that.
Things have been moving slowly but surely. Life goes on and we all are settling back into routines. I'm worried about Ben though. In school if they "stay on Green for a whole week" they get a punch in their punch card. This is a good thing. Ben has acheived it once. Alex's card is almost full. This is quite a switch. Ben isn't a trouble maker. I don't know what is going on to make such problems for him. I don't know if we should contact the teacher or not.
:sigh:
I was afraid his teacher was going to be a problem anyhow. She's the one who tried to tell us that she couldn't give Chris any information because he wasn't the custodial parent. Because of that, I don't know how far we're going to get.
Chris and I were discussing romance in a relationship and what was important on a date. And I told him that I wasn't used to having romance in a relationship. I gave him the example of the most romantic date Dave and I had. It was a date that stood out in my mind because it was the most romantic Dave had ever been towards me...
And then told Chris that he managed to surpass that date before we even were officially dating.
The date with Dave had been romantic, he had really thought about it and tried very hard. We went out to dinner at a nice restaurant, we went to see a Shakespeare play, and we finished off the night feeding each other fruit and whipped cream with wine on a bridge.
But... And this is the important part, I had to practically beg for some romance in our relationship. Romance, to Dave, "wasn't logical", so he said. Therefore, it wasn't important to him. And because of that, when he continually ignored what I needed and I stopped just doing things to make him happy, we started having problems. He didn't understand why I wasn't doing all the stuff I had done for him before, and I just couldn't work up the energy to do anything with him. It was at that point that our realationship really died, we just didn't know it. It took a year and a half before we figured it out. At that point I had asked for an open relationship because, to be honest, I was looking for something better.
And, I had gotten pretty damn close to having an out.
Chris doesn't really need prompting for romance. I get flowers every month. I get random and odd little gifts. And the thing is, I never had to push for romance. The day that I moved out, Chris called me up for a date. We went out on unofficial dates for two weeks before he kissed me and we just couldn't stay away from each other. By the time we were engaged, we had been together for 65 days straight.
And, the really big thing is that we feed off each other. Instead of the toxic spiral that Dave and I had, Chris and I really complement each other. He is attentive, sweet, and caring. He makes doing things and buying things for him fun!
Sadly, it makes me realize how stupid I had been. Even my roughest times with Chris have been more fulfilling that the best times with my ex. And, instead of having an eye out for something better, I can't remember the last time I looked at a different guy and thought: "Hmmm, he has potential"
Makes me glad I married the man I did instead of making the huge mistake of following through with my previous engagement.
And being a step-mother makes me thank the powers that be that Dave and I never had a kid, despite trying for one. He's crappy enough to deal with when we share a message board. If he spreads lies to try and chase me away from a message board that we both post on, imagine how shitty he would be to split the custody of a kid with.
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